Overcoming Imposter Syndrome - Interview with Bold Journey Magazine

Written By Sam Blakeslee

I was honored to have been featured in Bold Journey magazine to discuss my thoughts in imposter syndrome. You can either read the interview on their website here or in it’s entirety here below. Thanks to Voyage/Bold Journey Magazine for allowing me to speak with them!

We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sam Blakeslee a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Sam, first a big thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and insights with us today. I’m sure many of our readers will benefit from your wisdom, and one of the areas where we think your insight might be most helpful is related to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is holding so many people back from reaching their true and highest potential and so we’d love to hear about your journey and how you overcame imposter syndrome.
In any field, imposter syndrome is a fickle scenario. For me, I don’t think it is something that I have wholly overcome, but I try to acknowledge and work with it whenever it inevitably shows up. As a jazz trombonist, composer, and educator, imposter syndrome has shown up in different ways and times in my life and has often lined up with the times when a new and significant opportunity has presented itself. I can think of three times when it was most severe. First, when I was in graduate school and decided to pursue a Master’s Degree in Classical Music while primarily being a jazz musician before that point. Second, when I moved to New York City in 2017, to pursue being a freelance jazz trombonist and composer. Finally, I have been working through this third phase of my imposter syndrome over the last year when I was hired at one of the nation’s most prestigious colleges and music conservatories, the University of Hartford’s Hartt School of Music in the Jackie McLean Institute of Jazz in January 2023.

The paradox of having imposter syndrome in all three of those time periods is that the first two scenarios were both times when I willingly jumped into uncharted territory because I knew they would make me significantly better at my craft, even though they were both quite scary for me. The third imposter syndrome scenario is paradoxical to me because I believe a large part of why I was hired at the University of Hartford was because of the skills I have gained because of the willingness to put myself in difficult or unknown musical and professional situations prior to that point. But somehow, now with an esteemed institution affiliation, I saw old thoughts and emotions about my inferiority come racing back.

It can be hard in a vast creative landscape like New York City to identify where you stack up, even if you are in fact quite busy and in-demand. That ever-humbling nature of living here is one of the things that I love about it most, both for myself as well as my interactions with the musicians around me, but it can have a negative side if left unchecked as well. After getting hired at University of Hartford in January 2023, I immediately started thinking about all of the people who play better than me that would also be deserving of the position, all of those in the Tri-State area who would have also loved to teach there, as well as how I would fit in in the overall culture and continue the traditions of the school and the greater Hartford area. Hartford has an incredibly rich history due to the immense cultural work of legendary saxophonist and educator Jackie McLean, who started the program in 1968. To add more complexity to these sentiments, the previous Professor of Jazz Trombone at Hartt was Steve Davis, who is a titan in the jazz world and one of my own personal heroes who I have spent countless hours listening to and transcribing. So, it’s hard for me not to play the comparison game there as well. These emotions still cross my mind on a somewhat regular basis, but I am getting better at dealing with them.

As I examine these three different time periods of imposter syndrome, I think the two things that have helped me work with it is patience paired with discipline. I have always been one to future-plan and even more so when I was younger. The concept of always preparing for what’s coming next has served me well in regards to my overall work ethic, but oftentimes I found myself working hard, but with no patience to let things simply unfold as they will in their own time. When I am most impatient is also when my imposter syndrome spikes. In these times, I have learned to adopt a more deliberate, process-oriented approach instead of a haphazard, product-driven one. I have found that fostering the process-driven approach has allowed me to work slower, more efficiently, and turns the game and goals inward as opposed to focusing on external accolades or hierarchies (which often we have no control over whatsoever). If I have extended periods of time where I can get lost in the process of improvement simply for my own musical, emotional, and spiritual betterment, the feelings of inferiority simply drift away. However, I also allow myself the space to recognize that imposter syndrome isn’t a switch that is turned off and on, but more of a pendulum that will swing across a wider spectrum. When it arises, it is a symptom showing me that I have simply been focusing on the wrong things. To adjust, I usually create a more rigid routine for myself with inward-facing, long-term goals that are both difficult, yet attainable. If I am still feeling inferior at the end of one of these routines/time periods, then usually it means it’s best for me to just step away entirely for a second and focus on my life outside of my art. The interesting thing I have found about the act of stepping away is that it is never as long as I think I will need, and usually after a few days my hunger to keep working has returned, but now with a refreshed and clearer head.

When asked about our own individual neuroses, the renowned spiritual guru Ram Dass often says instead of trying to eradicate them completely, we should rather “invite them in for tea” whenever they appear. I think this is a beautiful sentiment and it creates a situation that we don’t have to necessarily resolve, but rather evaluate and work with. I also try to keep at the forefront of my mind that whenever imposter syndrome appears, it is often right at the start of a new journey or chapter, and patience paired with discipline will most likely carry you through it easily.

Thanks for sharing that. So, before we get any further into our conversation, can you tell our readers a bit about yourself and what you’re working on?
In addition to teaching at the University of Hartford, I am a bandleader of my own ensembles; an electro-acoustic quintet called Sam Blakeslee & Wistful Thinking, as well as my 18-piece jazz orchestra the Sam Blakeslee Large Group. In November 2022, I documented a live-record with Wistful Thinking which is due to be digitally released in Spring 2024 on Cincinnati-based record label Radio Artifact. This will be the third record release with Wistful Thinking following The Long Middle (2021), and Busy Body (2022) both of which were released on NYC-based record label Outside In Music, and features Akron-based saxophonist Chris Coles, Cincinnati-based Brandon Coleman on guitar and Matt Wiles on bass, and acclaimed Boston-based drummer Lee Fish. Wistful Thinking toured extensively in Fall 2022 following the release of Busy Body with performances across the East Coast and Midwest. After 10 years of leading the Large Group, I recorded two albums worth of material with notable NYC jazz musicians in May 2023, which were both produced by GRAMMY-nominated trombonist/composer Alan Ferber. Both albums are in post-production and will be released separately at a later date.

As a trombonist in NYC, I have performed extensively at esteemed jazz clubs, particularly in the contemporary jazz orchestra scene with acclaimed ensembles like Remy Le Boeuf’s Assembly of Shadows, Big Heart Machine, New York Afro-Bop Alliance Big Band, Jihye Lee Orchestra, Birdland Big Band, Manuel Valera’s New Cuban Express Big Band, Terraza Big Band, Emilo Solla’s Tango Jazz Orchestra, Dan Pugach Nonet, Tracy Yang Jazz Orchestra, Samuel Torres Big Band, Joel Harrison Large Ensemble, Jazz Gallery Composer’s Showcase, among others. As an avid composer for big bands myself, I’m very grateful to be so immersed in the vibrant and diverse big band scene that doesn’t exist anywhere in the world but NYC.

As a composer, I continue to compose music for my own ensembles, as well as commissions for universities, high schools, and various arts organizations. I will be a featured presenter at the International Society of Jazz Arrangers & Composers Symposium at Vanderbilt University in May 2024. In 2023, I was commissioned by the University of Akron to compose Flowers For Rubber City, which is a 7-movement suite dedicated to jazz luminaries both past and present in Akron, OH and was premiered at the University of Akron Jazz Festival in April 2023. I have made it a point to continue collaborations with my former residences in  Cleveland and Akron, Ohio (a music scene that punches way above its weight class), and I’m intrigued to see where this project in particular will lead in the coming year.

If you had to pick three qualities that are most important to develop, which three would you say matter most?
The three qualities that have been most impactful in my own journey have been patience, keeping an open mind, and being ok with walking away from toxic situations. I think all three of those qualities interact more than we often realize. We need patience to see the results of our work, we need an open mind to constantly put ourselves in new scenarios for growth, and we also need to have the strength to abandon negative situations, even if those situations come with industry accolades. The more I accept that not every band or venue is for me and that I am not the best fit for every musical situation, that has allowed me to further refine my personal relationships and foster a more creative life. I have also learned that someone else’s model that works for them can be awful for you, and that’s completely okay. It’s important to try to have the courage to listen to yourself, and only after having my own musical world view challenged daily in NYC was I able to finally reach that conclusion in both thought and deed. While the act of removing yourself from something familiar, but negative, can of course be a scary thing, I have thankfully done that enough times to see that good change always comes from it, even if it feels you are starting at absolute zero all over again. This sentiment aligns with the inward-facing, process-driven approach I mentioned earlier as opposed to focusing on the external hierarchies of the music and music industry. The patience to try something out long enough, paired with an open mind to change our situation drastically if it isn’t working, are both necessary steps to our own artistic and/or professional contentment.

Do you think it’s better to go all in on our strengths or to try to be more well-rounded by investing effort on improving areas you aren’t as strong in?
I hope that this doesn’t completely circumvent the question, but I think both going all in on our strengths AND trying to be well rounded in the areas we aren’t as strong are both important. However, I think it’s really impossible to do both at the same time and it is necessary to be able to identify WHEN you need to be doing one or the other. I think this concept is natural to many jazz musicians, who are making modern music in the present tense, but also making musical decisions based on the music, improvisers, and composers that came before us in the history of the music. Whether we are developing our existing strengths or working exclusively on our weaknesses also has a lot to do with whatever role we find ourselves in at that moment. For example, before leading up to a recording session of my own, more contemporary-leaning music, I have found it doesn’t do me much good to study music that is stylistically divergent on the precipice of documenting my own music, as that is only going to obscure the sounds that I am trying to bring forth into the world. However, much of my time in NYC since 2017 has been spent pursuing and refining the sounds and styles that come to me naturally. So, as I re-enter the world of jazz education, my own gaps in understanding have become apparent, which I view as an exciting opportunity for growth. It is now my responsibility to not only inform my students of my own approaches and concepts, but it is also my responsibility to effectively communicate concepts outside my immediate purview, as what I am into creatively may not be for every student I teach. In jazz education in particular, I have found that a dogmatic approach is not good for anyone – the teacher or the student. A willingness to show that I am open minded and take all styles and approaches seriously, and all as equally valid, is the musician model that I want them to see and develop in their own creative life. After spending a better part of a decade more or less focusing on my own art, I am excited to be entering a phase of working through my own weaknesses, which will later down the line make my own music and teaching more holistically informed.

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Sam Blakeslee
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